


A Different Side of Me

by Emmylou_lou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cutting, Fame, Famous, Gay, Hate, Hurt Louis, Liam - Freeform, Love, M/M, MPD, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Multiple Personalities, Problems, Sad, Secrets, Self Harming, Self-Destruction, Violent, Violent Harry, beatings, depressed, harry - Freeform, louis - Freeform, niall - Freeform, one direction - Freeform, scared, zayn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2013-10-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 19:37:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/828062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmylou_lou/pseuds/Emmylou_lou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Man whore. Selfish. Untalented. Retarded.<br/>He sat in the still, pitch black room, scrolling through the list of insults that flashed across the screen and felt disgust coil itself around his slowly breaking heart. How could people say such filth about his best mate, his other half...<br/>They didn't even know what he dealt with on a daily basis. They didn't even know the half of it.<br/>Louis felt a chill dance along the length of his spine as he felt hot breath on his neck and those familiar curls tickling his ear. He squeezed his eyes shut and prayed that the beautiful, broken boy was himself again.<br/>"H-Ha-Harry?" He squeaked as a pair of soft, plump lips ghosted up the smooth expanse of his neck. He heard that familiar icy chuckle and immediately felt his heart ice over as his pulse started to quicken.<br/>"Guess again sweetheart."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Broken Promises

The cold December air sent a chill down his spine as he hurriedly crossed the threshold into the comforting warmth of their flat building. The normally chilly London air had taken a turn for the deadliest as Jack Frost snuck up on them faster than he ever had before, covering the sleepy English towns in a blanket of ice and snow. As he leisurely climbed the steps to flat 13A Liam, couldn’t help but wonder what was going to happen. Why had he called him over at three am on a Saturday night? Could something have happened? Were they alright? He let his mind wander as he rapped quickly three times on the wooden door, his knuckles stinging from the cold each time he let them come in contact with the wood. He could practically feel his body thawing from the sinister cold as the warmth of the building shrouded him like a warm sheet. Hopping from foot to foot, Liam waited anxiously for the boys on the other side of the door to welcome him into their home. The thoughts roamed freely through his head as he imagined what horrors awaited him behind the thin door. He swallowed thickly against the lump in his throat as he heard shuffling coming from the other side. He heard the padding of feet against the floor as the person on the other side struggled to unlatch the door. Liam could only hope that everything was under control and that he was himself. Liam finally heard the latch click and the brass knob turned until the door was pushed open to reveal the tired boy who had called him over at this ungodly hour.

“Liam! I’m so sorry it’s so late, I just, I didn’t know what else to do, I didn’t know who to call,  I couldn’t stop him, I-” The smaller boy ran his hands nervously through his feathered chestnut hair as he dipped his head and busied himself readjusting the cable knit jumper he had on. Something was off; he almost always made eye contact when he was talking. Liam grabbed him by the shoulders and made him meet his eyes. And when he did he had to swallow the gasp that was threatening to break out of his throat at the first look at Louis’s distraught face. He decided not to comment on the large red- purple bruise on his ashen cheek that highlighted the deep gash that rested just above it, or the busted lip that was slowly trickling blood from the corner of his mouth. He’d seen it enough already to know not to ask how that happened, because the answer was always the same.

“Louis, it’s okay. I understand. You can’t do this by yourself. By the looks of it, it’s good that you called me when you did.” Louis ducked his head and suddenly became quiet interested by the wood paneling on the floor.   Liam softened his voice. “When did this happen Lou? Please tell me this is a _ll_  that happened…” he raised his hand to stroke the bruise under the smaller boy’s face softly and Louis flinched at the feel of Liam’s fingers on his face. Liam sighed, taking his hand back and running it over his shaved head. “Louis… I hate to say this but if this continues…” His head snapped up to meet Liam’s soft, brown eyes and Liam could see the terror flare up in his friend’s vivid blue eyes. Louis shook his head violently. He knew exactly what Liam was suggesting, but he couldn’t do that to him. He couldn’t betray his best mate like that! How could Liam even suggest such an awful thing? No, no, no, no. There was no way he’d let them do that. Not to his best mate.

“No Liam! I’ve already told you. I will not let you take him away.” Liam sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, closing his eyes.

“Louis, please. We can’t let this continue. Someone is going to find out the truth eventually! Look, Niall and Zayn have already agreed to-” Louis felt the anger starting to rise, and the tears were stinging at the corner of his eyes.

“NO! No Liam! I can’t do that to him, you know that! I won’t do it.” His voice lowered at the end, and Liam quickly glanced behind Louis’s head to make sure the younger boy hadn’t stirred. Louis turned also, panic charging through his veins. As he realized all was quiet, he turned back to Liam with a look of relief on his face, but Liam could see the terror lurking behind the entrancing aqua eyes. “Please Liam… He can’t do this without me… I can’t do this without him! He needs someone. Please.” Louis whispered the last line, voice full of pain and despair.

“Louis, I just...” He sighed deeply, rubbing the back of his neck. “We can’t keep doing this. Simon’s going to notice…  _This._ ” Liam gestured to the bruises scattering his mate’s face. Louis started to say something, but was stopped as soon as he saw the look of worry on his face. “He already thinks he’s dangerous. What’s he going to say when he sees what happened this time? He told you one more time  _last_ time Lou… We can’t let this keep happening. It’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to us, and it’s certainly not fair to  _him_.” Louis couldn’t argue with that, it w _asn’t_  fair… To any of them.

“No one can know Liam… They wouldn’t understand, none of them would. No one can possibly understand. You know what happens when he sees the things people are saying about him! How is he going to react when people are calling him a f _reak?_ I can’t let anyone hurt him Liam…  _we_ can’t.” Liam ran a tired hand over his eyes and leaned against the doorframe. There was no way he was going to win this. Not tonight at least, especially when he knew what was going on in the room just a few feet away. Liam looked away down into the empty hallway and couldn’t help but wonder what was happening behind those closed doors. Was a couple fighting? Was someone missing the person they love? Whatever was going on in those quiet flats down the hall, nothing could compare to the real life soap opera happening in his own life. How had it gotten to this point? Liam could recall that moment when they had first found out. It was nearly three years ago now, but he could remember it so clearly, it was almost as if it had just happened last week, but it still felt like eons since.

_The energy in the room was incredible, everyone was buzzing from the performance and Liam couldn’t help the smile fighting its way onto his thin lips. He scanned the room, looking for the boys who had gone from being complete strangers to his brothers in less than a month._ _Niall and Zayn were standing in the corner chatting with some of the other contestants, and Louis was standing closest to the door, eyes scanning around for the boy that could make his whole attitude change with a single flash of that dimpled smile. Speaking of the young lad, where was he?_ _Just then a crash could be heard from outside, and before anyone could go look to see what it was, Harry’s voice echoed through the now silent room._

_“No! You know what, fuck you! You’re wrong! You’re just a cowardly little bitch! Stay away from me you whore!” Before anyone could react, the sharp sound of skin slapping against skin echoed through the building._ _Within seconds the four boys rushed out of the room, sprinting into the hall to become faced to face with the youngest lad’s mum, lying crumpled on the floor, cupping her cheek in her hand._

_“Anne!” Louis was the first one on the ground, cradling a sobbing Anne in his arms._

_“Anne, what the hell just happened?! Are you alright?” She continued to cry, unable to answer without breaking down. They were all in shock, each and every one of them. Had Harry really just… There was no way that THEIR Harry had just done that._

_“I’m gonna go find that bastard.” Zayn cursed quietly. But before he could turn to leave, Anne reached up, clasping a shaking hand around his arm._

_“N-no Zayn. It’s alright.” Liam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How could she possibly believe that this was alright? Her own son had just HIT her!_

_“No Anne! S’not ok! He just HIT you!” Louis shrieked, Doncaster accent thick. Liam could tell that he was just as dumbfounded as the rest of them; Louis had just witnessed his best mate abusing his mother. Had Harry always been abusive?_ _How had they been around him for so long and not noticed? Anne sighed and wiped the tears from her eyes before sitting up. Niall gasped as the bright red hand print shown clearly on her cheek._

_“Boys, I think there’s something you need to know.”_

_“What? That your own son ABUSES you?!” Zayn hissed and Liam wanted to smack him upside the head right then. The poor woman had just been HIT by her SON. She shook her head vigorously, and looked up to meet Liam’s eyes. He felt a shiver run down his spine as her cat like eyes searched deep into his soul for understanding._

_“No… you see, Harry wasn’t the one who hit me… It was Edward.”_

Liam felt the cold run down his spine as he remembered that day. Nothing had been the same since that day nearly three years ago. He turned back to look into his mate’s withered eyes. Sighing, he threw a hand into the air and let it drop as if to say  _‘okay, you win.’_ Liam could see the look of appreciation in the older lad’s face and he couldn’t help but feel a pang of worry in his gut. Had he just made a really terrible mistake? Was this going to come back to bite him in the arse?

“Thank you Liam, thank you so much.” Louis enveloped him into a loving hug and Liam couldn’t help but smile a little. No matter how much fate tested Louis, he wasn’t about to back down.

“Yeah, yeah. But this is the last time. And I mean it. I’m worried about your safety Lou…” the smaller lad in front of him just nodded and shifted his eyes to stare down at the ground again. Liam pushed past his friend and into the flat, scoping it out to make sure everything was okay. Things seemed to be fine; nothing was broken that he could see at least.  Liam had just opened his mouth to ask his friend a question when a broken sob filled the air. Liam’s eyes widened and he turned to look at Louis who was wearing a similar expression. He knew exactly who inhabited his young mate’s body. It was no longer the normal, cheeky Harry, it wasn’t even the abusive Edward that had become more and more active in the last few months- no, he had left his mark today already. This one- This one wasn’t a danger to others like Edward, no… He was a danger to himself.

“Shit…” Liam cursed under his breath as he heard a few more broken sobs echo through the quiet halls of their flat before a large crash could be heard from the bedroom down the hall. Liam turned to look at a panicked Louis whose eyes were as big around as tea saucers.

“Harold.” 


	2. Completely Aghast

 

 

Louis understood what Liam was getting at, but he couldn’t let him take his best mate away from him. Harry needs him, and Louis needs Harry. Louis was just happy that Li decided to give Harry a second chance- well, more like twentieth chance. He sighed, closing the door behind him as he entered the bathroom. Louis rung out a washcloth over the sink after it was soaked with warm water. He pressed the tepid cloth against his face, and it felt amazing. Sure it stung the fresh cuts and bruises on his face, but at least he was cleansing it. He dried off his face with a towel, looking at his reflection in the mirror. The short lad’s feathered hair was tousled on the top of His head, and he had a massive bruise directly beneath his right eye. He pressed his fingers to it, wanting to see if it would hurt to touch it. It simply felt numb, and the small lad winced a little when he saw the cuts by the corners of his mouth. Sighing, he opened the door to the bathroom once again, exiting and just make his way to the bedroom. In the middle of the hallway, he realized that he had run into someone. Louis felt breath on his neck like a fan, and he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He looked up, meeting Harry’s pained eyes.  Louis wasn’t sure what side of Harry he was right now, and Louis was completely aghast. He felt his breath hitch in his throat when he felt Harry’s clammy hands wrap around Louis’s thin wrists, dragging him into the bedroom. The larger boy practically tossed Louis onto the bed, his eyes showing nothing but complete and utter bleakness. He grabbed the older lad’s hands and squeezed them until his knuckles were white, and saying that Louis was absolutely terrified right now was an understatement. Looking down at Harry’s hands, Louis couldn’t help but notice slits all down his arm and covering his wrists. He had many wounds on his knuckles, and they almost looked swollen. The younger lad was biting his lip so hard Louis was worried he would hurt himself. His breathing steadied a little bit, and he releases his tight grip of Louis’s wrists. The second Harry had let go, he felt a little safer than he had before. Looking back up into his eyes, Louis could see that he wasn’t angry, when he was angry his eyes were almost black with rage, a far cry from the light emerald his eyes shown now.

Harry had three sides of him. There was Harold – he was lucidly depressed. He was always so glum about everything, and it seemed as if there was no helping him, it made it worse that he barely ever talked. Then, there was Harry – the cheeky boy everybody saw and loves. The boy that could be so sweet and caring, you couldn’t help but loving him. Last but not least, there was Edward – the part of Harry that made him abuse his mother; leaving her in tears. Harry- or whoever he may have been right now- licked his lips, turning back to face a frightened Louis. One of his chocolate curls dangled over his eyes, and the older lad watched as a tear trickled down his cheek. He pinched the bridge of his nose, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Louis hated seeing his best mate cry – especially when there was nothing he could do about it. Louis clenched his teeth together, trying to think of a quick solution for right now. He stood up off of the bed, standing directly before the broken boy.

“Harry…” he started, and the young boy looked up at him. Harry didn’t have to say anything to prove that he was helpless; his expression said it all. His bottom lip trembled a little, and Louis could see the tears that were forming in his eyes. The Doncaster native took a deep breath, trying to think of how to continue. “I don’t know how you’re feeling, okay? There’s nothing I really know about it. I hate seeing you this upset, but, I can’t seem to fix it.” Harry didn’t say a word – instead, he pressed his lips together in the thin line. He then turned back around, clenching a fistful of the slender boy’s shirt in his hands. Louis whimpered, not exactly sure of what he did to make Harry suddenly angry or upset with him. Louis closed his eyes; silently praying that Harry, or whoever it was, wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.

“I hate my life, okay! You’re not making it any better, either! There’s nothing anyone can do about it, and it’s about time you get that into that little head of yours. This is who I am, Louis. I cut, I’m depressed and there’s no changing that! My name is Harold, so stop calling me Harry! Quit telling me shit like you actually care. I think we both know you don’t.” Harry spat, releasing the smaller lad and shoving him back against the bed. His words stung a little, and basically none of it was true. No, not at all.

“I do care! I know you’re better than this! I am your friend and I care about everything that happens to you and the decisions you make! You can abuse me or do whatever the fuck you want to me, but there is nothing you can do to keep me from trying to help you! Deep down I know you actually care for me. Deep down, you know I’m your best friend, and you know you’re mine, too.” Louis started, and he could see Harry’s chest rising and falling. A flash of anger went over him, leaving his eyes more of a golden color. Louis took a step backwards, scared to come in contact with him.

“You’re lying to me, and you just want to hurt me in the end! Why do you want to hurt me Louis? Can't you see that I'm broken enough?!"” Harry bellowed, full on angry with the older boy now. Louis backed away so far now that his back was pressed up against the wall, and his breathing stiffened a little bit. Louis didn’t feel safe anymore – he felt anything but safe. He was in danger, and he could yell for his life if he really wanted to. Harry bent down towards his best mate, grabbing hold of the collar of his shirt and forcing the slender boy closer to him. He clenched his fists together, some blood oozing from his cuts as his fist made contact with his old mate’s jaw. Louis stumbled to the floor, trying his best not to holler in pain. He didn’t want Liam to know about this –Liam will just take Harry away from him, and that will only make things worse for the young lad. Before Louis could say or do anything else to the younger lad, he had already run out of the room. Louis rubbed his jaw with his hand, whimpering a little every time he would press too hard on a spot that really hurt. The hurting lad climbed into bed, stuffing his face into his pillow and trying to fall asleep.

“Edward…” He mumbled to myself, sniffling. “He did this to me. Harry would never…”

_It was Louis, Zayn, Niall, and Liam who were just standing around and chatting with some contestants when Louis heard a painful sound coming from the other room. He immediately knocked on the door, his knuckles cracking when they came in contact with the rough wood. Nobody had come to answer the door, and all he seemed to be able to hear from inside was screaming and crashing._ _He could hear the sound of things breaking and cries for help, but Louis didn’t know what it was about or how anything could have happened. The Doncaster lad pounded even harder against the door, getting absolutely worried now. He didn’t like knowing that someone was crying for help and there was nothing he could do about it._ _The door finally creaked open, and Louis could hear the sound of Harry screaming at someone. The normally loud eighteen year old didn’t want them to know he was there, so he just closed the door behind him and hid behind one of the walls._ _He peered out at them, and his eyes widened at the sight. Harry was beating Anne – his own mum. Louis bit his lip, trying to keep his cool. Chills ran up and down his spine, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and took a deep breath._

_“No! You know what, fuck you! You’re wrong! You’re just a cowardly little bitch! Stay away from me you whore!” Harry hollered, and Louis heard the sound of skin slapping skin. With that, he ran in and cradled Anne in his arms. When the boys heard all of the commotion, they ran in after him, but by then, Harry was nowhere to be found_. Ever since Louis saw Harry yelling and abusing his mother like that, he was never able to get that out of his mind. A salty tear rolled freely down Louis’s cheek, and he was scared to find out who the boy that he thought his best mate really was.

The boy with the feathered fringe sprang up, his breathing heavy. Another nightmare – He’s been having them every night now. Louis bit his nails, totally nervous and out of place right now. He heard the door creak open, and was absolutely terrified that it might be Harry who was entering the room.

“Why are you so scared mate? It’s only me.” Louis calmed down a little bit when he saw that it was just Niall, and he took a breath of relief. The Irish lad walked over towards him, sitting down on the edge of his bed. Niall’s deep blue orbs locked onto Louis’s own baby blues, and the blonde’s lips parted; allowing a gasp to escape his lips. That’s when the older lad remembered – the bruise. Harry punched him in the jaw.

“Um, Ni, it’s nothing, I…”

“Did Harry do that to you?” He questioned, concern showing in his bright eyes. Louis knew if he told the young Irish lad the truth, he would go directly to Liam and tell him everything. As much as Louis hated lying to someone as special as Nialler, he knew that was the only option he had. Louis shook his head almost instinctively, and a look of relief flashed the Irish lad’s face.

“No, I just fell.” He lied, hoping Niall would believe it. Luckily for him, the blonde didn’t question it any further. He just nodded his head along with what Louis had told him, no doubt in his mind that what the Doncaster lad had said was indeed the truth. Niall clasped his hands together over his lap, not quite sure what to say next. So instead, Louis decided to say something. “Anyways, can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course, Lou. You know you can tell me anything.” Louis looked deep into the young lad’s gentle eyes and took a deep breath.

“Okay, good. I’ve been having a lot of… Nightmares lately.”

“About what?”

“They’re basically flashbacks from the X Factor. You know, whenever we found out about Harry having multiple personality disorder,” He went on, and Niall nodded to show his older mate that he was with him so far. “I remember how scared we all were when we saw Harry practically abusing his mum... I just wish there was some way I could get myself to stop thinking about it. Y’know, erase it from my mind?”

“As much as I hate to tell you this, you can’t just erase it from your mind. It’s a memory, and memories are there forever. We have both good and bad memories, and they basically just follow us throughout life.” Niall answered, and the older boy nodded, biting his. Louis shrugged his shoulders, looking down at the floor before looking back up at the blonde.

“Niall?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think Harry cares about us?” Louis wanted to know, he wanted to know so badly, and Niall’s eyes widened. He almost appeared to be afraid to answer the question, but the shorter boy didn’t know why. It was just a bloody question for crying out loud. He tensed up, a tear rolling down his cheek as he gazed off out the window, appearing to be in his own little world. The second he noticed it had fallen, he wiped it away with the back of his hand.

“I don’t… I don’t think so.” Niall finally murmured, his voice barely audible anymore. “I don’t think Harry… I don’t think he understands what he’s doing. I don’t even think he knows what type of person he truly is. It scares me.”


	3. Scarring Love

 

The bleak white of December greeted Louis in the early morning with an evil smirk. Winter knew what it was doing to Louis. Every bitter day passed slowly, taunting Louis as the day he had been dreading for years was drawing closer and closer with each shallow breath: His twentieth birthday.

Louis had been dreading this day for years. The thought of no longer being a teenager was more frightening to Louis than any horror film he had ever seen before. The thought of no longer having that ‘teen’ at the end of his age was frightening.

He had always wanted to be young forever, he had always had a fear of growing up, and with the appending doom of his twentieth birthday, his fear was spreading through his body, sending shoots of ice up his spine with every passing minute.

Louis stretched his body, flexing his toes and uncurling like a cat as the sheets rustled above him, exposing his flesh to the unpleasant icy morning. He doesn’t remember when he fell asleep the night before, but the memories of the prior day came flooding back into his mind like a torrent.

Every feeling, every harsh word spoken, and every tear shed. Every day is the same. He wakes up, remembers the days before, and cries. How had his life turned out like this? How had it come to  _this?_ Of course, he wouldn’t take back anything that had happened.

No, one may think that Louis regrets it all, but in all honesty, the older lad wouldn’t take back a second of the beatings, the cold stares, or the hurt feelings. The pain didn’t even scratch Louis’s surface. As long as Harry was safe. As long as Harry was breathing. As long as Harry was  _his_  nothing else mattered.

Louis fought against his bed and struggled to get out of the warm clutches of his mattress. A shiver ran up his spine as his toes touched the icy wooden floor and he hissed from the sudden temperature shift. Today was a day off for the boys, luckily, so there was no rush for Louis to be awake.

Hazily, he made his way out of his bedroom and into the chilly hallway which led to the bathroom right across the way from Harry’s room. As quietly as he could, the almost-twenty-year old pop star tiptoed into the loo and shut the door as silently as he could as to not wake his sleeping roommate next door.

Louis seldom had to worry about Harry’s actions in the morning. In the last year and a half of living together, he had only ever had an encounter with Edward or Harold a handful of times in the morning. The nights are what Louis had to worry about.

The shorter lad let himself slump against the counter as soon as he was sure he hadn’t woken up a sure to be grumpy Harry. He let out a sigh of relief but didn’t let his eyes wander to the mirror in front of him. He already knew what he would see, and he already knew that he wouldn’t like it.

But going against the voice in his head, Louis lifted his tired head to see what awaited him. The person in front of him wasn’t himself. His hair was clumped and matted, eyes dim and heavy with a nice purple ring under his right eye. The cut above was deep red and angry.

His complexion was grayer than it ever had been before, and his busted lip was swollen and raw. The face in front of him screamed ‘abuse’ from a mile away. Louis had never been gladder to have a day off in his entire life than he was at this very time. There was no hiding the wounds with makeup this time. Someone was bound to notice.

He winced in pain as he touched his lip softly, and cursed under his breath as he ran a wet washcloth over every inch of his battered face. Niall’s words from last night just kept running through his head like a broken record

_‘I don’t think Harry… I don’t think he understands what he’s doing. I don’t even think he knows what type of person he truly is.’_

The tears slowly started to fall as that one specific day came back to him as if it was just the other day.

_“Boo! Let’s go start unpacking our rooms!” Harry latched on to the shorter boy’s arm with a death grip as he bounced in excitement. His bubbly attitude was rather contagious as a smile started to spread across Louis’s thin lips. He hadn’t seen Harry this happy in months and it warmed his heart to know that he was partly the reason for Harry’s smile._

_They had always talked about moving in together ever since the X Factor ended last month, and today was finally the day. All morning Harry had a skip in his step as he unpacked all of his boxes from his mum’s car. They had gotten the job that was supposed to take all day done in less than five hours thanks to the determination of the younger lad._

_Harry gave him his poor excuse for a puppy dog pout and Louis fell into a fit of giggles as Harry’s features twisted up into a look that more fit the description of disgust rather than charm. The older lad pinched Harry’s cheek and reached up on his tiptoes to kiss the tip of the taller lad’s nose._

_“Well when you give me that charming look I just can’t say no to you!” Harry let out a girlish giggle and immediately clamped a hand over his mouth as his eyes widened and his cheeks flamed the color of cherries. That just made Louis laugh harder and before Harry could utter a single word, both boys were clutching their stomachs as they leaned against each other for support as they laughed their hearts out._

_“W-what a-a ma-manly g-gi-giggle you h-have H-hazza B-babe!” A sound quite resembling a laugh mixed with a groan escaped Harry’s parted pink lips and he brought his head down to rest on Louis’s bouncing shoulders._

_“Shuddup! I-I di-didn’t g-giggle Boo!” Louis just shook his head and buried it deeper into the younger lad’s neck as he continued to chuckle under his breath. He felt that familiar pang in his heart as Harry nuzzled his head into Louis’s hair and inhaled deeply and Louis’s stomach dropped as his heart beat picked up._

_Louis had always had some sort of feeling for Harry. What kind of feeling, he was unsure. But he had always felt protective over the sensitive boy. After all, he was HIS hazza. No one else could have him. It was platonic though, it had to be. After all, Louis liked girls, Harry LOVED girls, it was just a best mate relationship… right?_

_As soon as Louis could catch his breath he slung his free arm that wasn’t holding a cardboard box around the young lad’s shoulders. It was a bit of a stretch and ended up with Lou stumbling back, almost losing grip on the box in his hands._

_“Whoa! Careful there Love!” Anne chuckled as she quickly rushed behind to grab the box labeled ‘FRAGILE’ from Louis’s arms before he dropped it. She started laughing as Louis’s cheeks dusted a light scarlet._

_“Sorry Mum Anne.” Louis giggled and switched his gaze over to Harry who was trying to hide his laughter with a cough. Anne held back a giggle as she pecked the older lad on the cheek as she handed the box to her son._

_“Just try not to break anything else Lou.” She said with a giggle before turning to her baby boy._

_“Harry why don’t you go on in and start unpacking your bedroom. Louis will be right in once he helps me carry the rest of this stuff in.” She jerked a thumb to some miscellaneous items scattered outside of the car. The younger lad pouted and started to protest before his mum cut him off with a look. “You two can be a part for five minutes. I swear sometimes it’s like you two are a couple.” She rolled her eyes with a chuckle as she saw the blush rising on both boys’ cheeks._

_“Mum!” Harry whined, but she only smiled sweetly in response and patted his cheek._

_“Go on Darling, we’ll be right in.” She pulled down his head and kissed his temple as he struggled against her, grumbling something about ‘embarrassing him’. Louis giggled, ruffling Harry’s hair as he passed him and walking happily into their new home. Louis smiled watching Harry skip into the flat building and whipped around as Anne cleared her throat to get his attention._

_“Louis Sweetheart, can I talk to you for a minute?” Her eyes softened as she gestured to the open passenger door of her silver Camry. Louis furrowed his brow in confusion but nodded nonetheless, walking over slowly and sitting down, closing the door behind him as Anne slid into the seat beside him. To say that Louis was nervous was definitely an understatement. Louis hadn’t been alone with Anne since well, since that night she had told them about Harry’s… Condition._

_Anne shifted in her seat so that she was facing Louis and she folded her hands in her lap before opening her mouth and closing it again. She pursed her lips as she was thinking of how to phrase what she was about to say. She fiddled with the wedding band on her finger before looking up to meet Louis’s worried gaze. She chuckled lightly before looking back down to adjust the band._

_“Don’t worry Loubear you’re not in any kind of trouble. I just… I wanted to make sure you know what you’re getting in to s’all.” She talked quietly as if she were afraid Harry was listening. Louis turned around carefully to make sure the curly haired boy was nowhere in sight and a sigh fell from his parted lips._

_“I- I’m prepared to live with him Anne. I- I know the possibilities of what can happen.” The feather haired boy whispered back. And it’s true, he did know what he was getting himself into… For the most part._

_“I just- I don’t want you to get hurt Lou. You have no idea what he’s capable of. Louis, Harry is mentally ill. There’s no telling what his other-” She started to choke up and Louis could see the tears starting to prick in the corner of her eyes. She took a shaky, deep breath before continuing. “What his other personalities will do to y-you.”_

_Anne would no longer meet his gaze. Of course Louis had thought about the consequences of moving in with Harry, he’d thought about it every day since they had found out. But Louis wanted to live with Harry_ So Badly _. He had wanted to live with the young curly haired lad since he had met him. It was a chance for them to reconnect. It was a chance for them to_ Start Over. 

_“I won’t let it get out of hand Anne…” But even Louis didn’t believe the words that came tumbling out of his mouth. Anne sighed loudly and reached over, grabbing Louis’s hand in both of hers._

_“Well Honey, I hope you can. I hope you can. Just… Don’t let anyone hurt my baby boy. Don’t let him hurt himself. And most of all… Love him Louis.” The tears were now plummeting down her face like a waterfall and she didn’t even seem to mind. She gave him a broken smile and shakily picked up his hand, placing a gentle kiss to his soft skin. It broke Louis heart, it really did. All he could do was sit there speechless, nodding his head. Louis could do that. He could take care of Harry. He could control him. He could love him. … Couldn’t he?_

_“I-I promise.”_

“L-Louis?” The feather haired boy’s neck snapped up at the familiar sound of the younger boy’s velvety voice. The broken sound of his voice sent a tingle down his spine as a soft knock echoed through the room. Louis patted his face dry before slowly making his way to the door.

What stood waiting for him on the other side was something that he never wished to see. He sucked in a breath as a disheveled Harry stood before him, hair in extra disarray, circles under his eyes prominent and dark, and his green eyes were dull and listless.

He hadn’t been the same in the last few months, Louis knew that. He just wasn’t happy anymore. It was as if he didn’t want to  _live_ anymore. Louis had tried to help, he was really  _trying_ , but there was nothing he could do anymore. But what really stood out to Louis were the ragged, raw cuts that stood out against his near translucent white skin on his arms that he held out in front of him.

Louis had seen this before; he had seen it a number of times in the last year and a half, but nothing was quite like this. The blood was smeared across his arms, caked on in thick, dried clumps. The cuts were deep, much too deep. They ranged from short to long, from deep, to scratches all up and down the length of his forearms.

Louis could tell that Harry had attempted to clean the cuts. The older boy looked up into the curly haired lad’s dull eyes and saw that they were filled with tears. His bottom lip was quivering and his outstretched arms were shaking.

“L-Louis… Please.” He whispered as the tears started to fall. Louis had to remind himself again that this wasn’t Harry. This wasn’t his Hazzabear. Harry would never, ever do this to himself- no matter how lost he was. This was Harold’s doing. This was Harold who had marked up his beautiful Harry. It was Harold who had scarred his Harry for life… Literally. Louis had to keep his expression calm, he couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him.

“Oh Harry. I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let this happen, I-” Louis lightly grasped the young lad’s hands in his own and felt the first burning tear trickle down his face, but Harry just hung his head in shame.

“S’okay Louis… I… This was me… I-I’m sorry Louis… Not proud…. Hate me….” His sentences were slurred together as he started to fall apart in Louis’s arms. Louis was breaking on the inside, he really was. “Help…. Please…. Hurts…” Harry whimpered and Louis just pulled the taller boy into his chest, being careful of his arms.

“No Harry. This is not your fault. This will never be your fault. I love you, never forget that. I could never hate you. Let’s just get you cleaned up right now, okay?” Louis gave Harry a not-so-reassuring smile and led him over to the counter. Harry hissed as the burn of the rubbing alcohol touched his cuts and Louis whispered apologies and sweet nothings into his ear. “You’re okay Darling, it’s going to be alright. You’re strong. You are so, so strong Babe.”

It took Louis an hour to clean out every single cut, kissing each one as more and more tears fell from the beautiful green eyes he loved so much. After cleaning his cuts, the older lad turned on the tap and filled the bathtub with luke-warm water.

“C’mon babe, let’s get you washed up and I’ll make you a nice hot cup of tea, okay? We’ll just relax today. Just the two of us.” Lou slowly helped his best mate strip off his pajamas and eased him into the water. He cried out as the water touched his arms and bit his lip harshly. Louis quickly knelt down beside the tub and pushed back Harry’s hair.

“Shhh, s’okay babe. It’s alright. You’re going to be fine.” He cooed quietly in the young boy’s ear. A whimper escaped the young lad’s lips as he slowly became accustomed to the water. Louis smiled before standing up to start that cup of tea he had promised, but before he could he felt a hand weakly grasping his own.

“Boo… Can you wash my hair for me p-please?” Harry hadn’t called his best mate that in months.

“Y-yeah Baby… I can do that.” He gave him a sad smile before leaning back down to take care of his beautiful broken boy. And in that moment, the only thing echoing in Louis’s mind was Anne’s haunting words.

 

_‘You have no idea what he’s capable of.’_


	4. Mornings with Harry

Louis forced himself to push his thoughts aside – right now, he had Harry, and that’s all he wanted to think about. Louis turned the water on; making sure it was just the right temperature before he used it on Harry’s hair. Louis coated his hands in shampoo, his hands automatically entangling themselves in Harry’s curls. Louis smiled to himself; allowing each one of the younger lad’s soft curls slip through his fingers. The Doncaster lad met Harry’s gaze for a moment, and he could see a sensation of pain in his green eyes. Without thinking, Louis reached his hand up to cup his best friend’s cheek, gently brushing his thumb along it.

“It’s okay, baby. Just hang in there. I know your cuts hurt, but everything is going to be alright. As soon as I’m done washing your hair I’ll make us some tea. Please don’t worry you’re so strong, Harry.” Louis mumbled to him, and Harry nodded reassuringly. Harry was going to force himself to stay strong – for his sake, but most of all, for  _Louis_. Louis made sure that he had rinsed all the soap out of Harry’s hair, and whenever he finished, he turned the water off and wrapped a towel around Harry’s neck. The movement was so sudden when he wrapped the towel around the younger boy; because they got so close that they even bumped chests. A deep shade of crimson rose to Harry’s cheeks, and Louis just smiled cheekily before twirling one of Harry’s wet curls around his finger. Their eyes locked on one another’s, and Harry found it practically impossible to speak. Then after trying so hard, he had finally managed to say one word to his best friend.

“Lou…”

“Shh, just… dry your hair with this towel and I’ll start on the tea.” Louis told him, and Harry nodded in response. Louis pressed a soft kiss to Harry’s cheek, and Harry found himself smiling afterwards. The younger lad couldn’t help but watch as Louis walked off into the distance; everything the older lad did seemed to give Harry butterflies. Harry bit his lip, drying his hair a little bit more before joining his best mate in the kitchen. Harry sat down on the couch, and before he knew it, Louis stood right before him and bent down to hand him his cup of tea. Harry couldn’t help but smile at the contact; their hands brushing as Louis passed him the cup. He watched as Louis’ thin lips curved into a smile, and the older lad then jokingly ruffled Harry’s curls. “Careful Haz, it’s hot.”

“I know.” Harry mumbled as he was scooching over a little bit so Louis could take a seat down comfortably beside him. Harry blew on his tea, and then took a sip of it. The tea was too hot, and he set the cup down and winced in pain. Louis could see it was joking pain, so he just laughed at Harry and how dramatic he was being.

“T-The l-look on y-y-our f-face was hil-ar-ious!” Louis said in between fits of laughter, and since he knew he was carrying on, he set his tea down first. Louis continued to laugh, nestling his head into Harry’s chest. He could tell Harry was laughing along with him, and Harry began to play with strands of Louis’ feathery hair. Louis then pulled away, gripping handfuls of Harry’s shirt in his hand. Suddenly the laughter died down, and Louis felt his breath hitch in his throat when his eyes met the younger lad’s green ones. Harry licked his lips, his hands finding their way around Louis’ neck. Louis was completely unsure of what was going on, so he attempted to back away. Harry then shook his head, not letting the older lad out of his grip. Harry ran his thumb along Louis’ bottom lip, and Louis just studied his best friend’s features. Louis then began to realize how Harry’s curls perfectly framed his face, and how attractive his friend really was. Louis wasn’t gay though, right? He knew he wasn’t gay, and he knew Harry wasn’t either. After all, Louis liked girls and Harry absolutely loved girls; so, why did it seem almost as if his straight friend was going to  _kiss_  him? Maybe he wasn’t – maybe Louis was just overcomplicating things like he always did. I mean, why would his friend have interest in him that way? Harry was now so close their noses were touching, and Louis had chills running up and down his spine. Louis absentmindedly brushed a loose curl out of Harry’s eyes, and the younger lad only smiled at the gesture.

“You’re so cute, Lou.” Harry told him, and Louis was only growing more and more nervous by the second. Even though Louis thought that Harry was going to kiss him, he didn’t. He just set Louis back down on the couch and off of his lip as he continued to drink his now cooled-down tea. Louis was almost disappointed – no, that couldn’t be. The thought of kissing Zayn, Niall, or Liam was plain awkward and disturbing to Louis, but why did it seem different to kiss Harry? Why did Louis want so badly to close the space and kiss him?

“Uh, I have a headache.” Louis whined, his various thoughts causing him to get a headache. Harry took another sip of his tea, setting it down before wrapping one of his arms around the older boy’s shoulders. Louis relaxed, not wanting to think so much about his thoughts. Whatever conclusion he came to, so be it. He didn’t want to worry about anything now. Right now all that mattered to him was being all curled up in Harry’s arms, resting his head in the crook of Harry’s neck. Louis closed his eyes, and Harry leaned forward to kiss the tip of his nose.

“Get some rest, Lou. You helped me get through my pain; I’ll help you get through yours.” Harry murmured, but it was almost as if Louis hadn’t heard a word he had said. He was just sitting there – smiling bright as ever – admiring how gentle Harry was whenever he had kissed his nose. Louis only nestled closer to Harry, and he was now sitting on his lap and nearly straddling the younger boy. Harry didn’t mind though; in fact, he quite liked cuddling with Louis. He liked it more than he should. Louis missed having moments like this with Harry; moments where they would just cuddle and goof around with each other without a care in the world. Louis then tightened his grip around Harry’s torso, and Harry then returned the favor. No matter what happened between them or whether or not Edward or Harold would make an appearance, Harry was still and always will be Louis’ Hazza; nothing can ever change that. Louis then flashed back to his thoughts from earlier; he knew he couldn't just ignore it. He knew he had some kind of feeling towards Harry, but he was not sure of what exactly he was feeling. It felt like more than a friendship, but at the same time, Louis became wary of the idea of him and Harry dating. At the same time, it would be kind of nice. Louis imagined walking around freely with Harry’s hand in his; knowing that it was his Hazza and no girl was allowed to even stare at the curly haired boy. Louis was curious of what it felt like to kiss Harry. As weird as it sounds, Louis imagined it being everything he ever wanted and more; he imagined Harry being gentle with him at first but then loosening up and becoming rough so Louis would not get bored with him. Maybe someday Louis would find his answer.

Maybe someday Louis would know what it felt like to kiss his best friend.


	5. Curtain Call

Sitting in the dressing room with the rest of the boys before an interview with London Buzz was just like any other day being out in the public eye.Niall and Zayn were goofing off, playing some stupid hand game that much resembled the old child’s game ‘hot hands’, Liam sat quietly, staring intently at his phone at what Louis could only guess as Twitter, and Harry… Well Harry was sitting restlessly on Louis’s left, practically pressed against his side as he silently scratched at his covered scars over the thick crème material of his Loro Piana baby cashmere v neck. Louis glanced over at a very obviously worried Harry scratching at his scars and locked a weak hand around the younger lad’s wrist. Harry’s emerald green orbs darted quickly up to meet his best mate’s vivid baby blues. Louis knew how utterly terrified Harry must be, unsure of what is to come in the questions they’ll be asked in just a few moments. Of course most interview questions were the same- Who’s single, dating rumors, the new album, touring… But of course they always had to be prepared- every interviewer likes to put their own spin on the interview, trying to make it as original and scandalous as they can. It’s only happened to them a few times- They’ve only been tripped up a handful of times, asked questions they can’t answer truthfully, almost been caught up in their lies- all of which revolved around the same topic-

Harry Edward Styles. The beautiful boy himself. And that’s what brings them to where they are today.

 The public had started to get suspicious Modest! said. They were starting to wonder about his past, about his public outbursts one minute and breakdowns the next. The boys and Modest! had tried everything they could to cover for the poor lad- he was upset about how he sang yesterday, family issues, etc. But it was no use. The people of the world were starting to worry about the young Holmes Chapel native. Something was wrong with him. Louis hated it. He hated the speculations and the look on Harry’s panicked face when someone would ask him what was wrong. He absolutely despised it. He hated that this young, broken boy had to endure so much pain and suffering… Not to mention stress. He just wanted Harry to be  _happy_. Louis loved to baby Harry. He loved to take care of him… It always made him feel so loved to see the smile on the young lad’s face when he kissed his head, or how his mood would brighten whenever Lou handed him the perfect cup of tea.

“Stop scratching at your scars baby, they’ll rip open.” Louis whispered, reaching over, and rolling down the sleeves of Harry’s sweater as the white lines started to become red and spotty. He smiled up at the younger lad, brushing his hand through his messy curls. Harry managed a weak smile, one that looked extremely forced on his ageing features. He was upset. Louis  _hated_ seeing Harry upset. His brows furrowed, lips turning down into a frown as he cupped the curly haired lad’s cheek and ran his thumb lightly over his bottom lip, lingering a second too long as his gaze stuck on the beautiful boy’s soft, full lips, and his mind started to wander to last night.  _What would it be like to kiss his best mate? What would it feel like to have his soft yet strong lips planted fully on his own- guiding his own in a heated snog?_

“B-boo?” Lou’s neck snapped up, blushing sheepishly as a knowing smirk graced Harry’s lips, but quickly faded away as their eyes locked. Louis cleared his throat, breaking eye contact and glancing down to where tiny spots of blood were starting to show through his sweater.

“Come with me Harry.” Louis spoke quietly, pulling the younger lad up and out of the room, receiving strange glances from the other lads, and a knowing grimace from Liam. Louis pulled Harry along by the elbow into the first men’s room he spotted. Quickly, he pulled the door shut behind them, shutting them out from the outside world with a quiet flick of the lock. Louis quickly pulled up his best mate’s sleeve, watching as he winced slightly. Blood slowly trickled from the fresh wounds and Louis felt a pang of guilt in his heart. This was his fault. This was all his fault. He should have been paying closer attention. He should have been there for him!

“We’re gonna wrap these up with paper towel so they don’t ruin your pretty sweater, okay sweetheart? Then after the interview we’ll get Lou and she can actually wrap them for you okay baby?” Lou was one of the only people- apart from the boys and Harry's family- that Louis trusted to take care of his fragile best mate. As soon as she was hired for the position of stylist, they had a meeting reguarding Harry himself. Lou needed to know what she was getting herself into accepting the position, and she accepted gratefully. She took great care of Louis's precious boy. Lou loved spending time with him, almost as much as Louis himself. She was like an older sister to him, and Louis was oh so grateful there was someone besides the boys he could turn to that understood the situation at hand. Harry only nodded as Louis pulled out sheet after sheet of paper towel, dabbing them in water and cleaning the blood from his cuts before taking the clean sheets and loosely wrapping them around his wrist, pulling down the sweater to hold them in place. “Is that better baby? Are you okay now?” Harry nodded, not meeting the older lad’s eyes. Something was wrong, and Louis knew it. He put his fingers under Harry’s chin, raising his head to look him in the eyes. “Harry what’s wrong?” Harry looked away, tears gathering in his eyes as he took a deep breath. When he met his eyes again, Louis’s widened. Harry’s weren’t the normal emerald shade he’d come to know and love. They were light. The lightest green Louis had ever seen, and he knew exactly why Harry was acting the way he was now. He wasn’t Harry. He was Harold. “Harold?” His eyes immediately widened, Louis had very seldom had an encounter with Harold and he really wasn’t sure what to do.

“H-how do you know my name?” He whispered, almost shocked that Louis acknowledged him.

“I know you Harold, I take care of you, remember? Now please… Tell me what’s wrong? Have you been here all morning?” Harold was shy. Harold was  _very_ shy and Louis was shocked that he’d even said those six simple words to him. He’d only had about two conversations with Harold the whole time he’d known him. Most of the time Harold would close him off, staring off into space as he curled up into a ball and cried. Cried and cried until either Harry or Edward took control. He was being so calm… He wasn’t crying… He wasn’t distant… He wasn’t self harming…

“I-I-I’ve been-n here since l-late l-last night-t. H-Harry and E-Edward were-e fighting-g again so I didn’t-t h-have much cho-choice.” His voice was wobbly, each word sounded like a struggle as they came out. Tears were now falling down his face swiftly, and a frightened look overtook his features. Now Louis was worried. They were on in nearly ten minutes and Louis and the boys were going to hide this side of Harry from the public. He was hurting, he was fragile. So,  _so_ fragile.

“H-Harold, sweetheart… Are you okay?” That’s when he broke, tears streaming down his face.

“W-what if I-I r-ruin e-everything-g f-for H-Harry-y? W-what if I-I say-y something-g w-wr-wrong? W-what if-f he-e hates-s me-e? W-what if-f everyone-e hates-s me-e? I-I c-can’t-t do this-s B-boo!” He wailed loudly, burying his face in the crook of the shorter lad’s neck. Louis felt like crying himself, but he had to stay strong for Harold.

“Shh, baby you’re alright. Okay? You’re going to be alright. No one will hate you, okay? I promise. I’m going to help you okay baby?” He brushed his tears away with his thumb, sniffles escaping Harold’s nose. Louis had no idea how he was comforting Harold when he was just as freaked out as the broken boy himself.

“B-but Louis-s…” Louis pulled the taller lad against his chest, holding him tightly and trying his hardest to calm him down.

“You’re okay Harold. You’re safe. Everything is going to be okay, I promise. Can you trust me?” He pulled back, looking into the bright green irises of his best mate. Harold was silent for a moment, sniffling slightly and scratching at his arm. What felt like an eternity later, he nodded.

“O-okay… I t-trust you B-Boo…” Louis tried his best to fake a smile, getting an equally fake one in return.

“Louis, Harry?” There was a knock on the door and Niall’s thick Irish accent rang out in the quiet. “We’re on in two minutes, you need ta get out ‘ere!” Louis looked Harold dead in the eyes, running his thumb soothingly over his bottom lip before taking a deep breath and gently planting a kiss to the corner of Harold’s lips. Close enough to feel a spark, but far enough away to be a friendly peck. His head was spinning as he pulled away, still wondering what it would feel like to actually kiss his best mate. The question was running through his head all day, and he just didn’t know what to do.

“Y-you p-p-promised-d.” Harold whispered quietly as Louis pulled back, and the Doncaster lad intertwined fingers with his Holmes Chapel mate, heart and mind still reeling from the simple peck.

“I promise Harold. I promise.”

 Oh could Louis ever have been more mistaken… 


	6. The Interview

 Louis grabbed hold of Harold’s hand, loosely linking their fingers together as he dragged him towards the others. Harold’s eyes were a little red, but other than that you couldn’t really tell he had been crying. Louis gave him a reassuring nod, and he released his hand when they had to sit in their positions for the interview.

“We’re on in 5…4…3…2… hello, everyone! Today we’re here with the world famous boy band, One Direction.” The announcer paused, and the boys waved to the camera. “You know the boys for their incredible success – they have realized two albums now! “Up All Night” and “Take Me Home” went to number one soon after they were released! So, here are the boys!” All the boys looked at the camera and waved, and Harold was faking a smile. He felt Louis squeeze his leg for reassurance, and Harold nodded as if he had gotten the message. The interviewer sat down on a chair across from the boys, and they all shook hands before they started with the questions part.

“It’s lovely to be here.” Liam said, waving to the people in the audience that were screaming his name.

“And we’re lucky you’re here.” The interviewer smiled. “Okay, so let’s get into the questions. This one is for Niall,” he paused, turning to face the Irish bloke.  “A girl named Sarah wants to know if you boys ever get into arguments.

“Everyone fights every once in a while,” Niall admitted, messing with his hair. “It’s never anything major, though. Last week Zayn and I got in an argument because I wouldn’t let him put the windows down in ‘de car.” The crowd laughed, and Zayn gave him a playful nudge before the interviewer turned to face another one of the boys. “Okay, next one here is for Liam. A girl named Lynne wants to know if you could be anyone in the world, who would you be.”

“Niall.” He answered, grinning. Niall turned to face Liam.

“Why is that?”

“Because you seem to find everything absolutely amazing.” He answered, and Niall nodded. The next question was turned over to Zayn, and it was that a girl named Taylor wanted to know what his favorite X Factor memory was.

“I loved doing the video diaries,” Zayn rambled while licking his lips, “it was just a lot of fun, really.”

“Okay, and this next one is for Harry and Louis,” the interviewer said, and people were cheering when they heard that. “A girl named Anna said that people have talked about you two having a special relationship. She wants to know you would describe your relationship.”

“We’re really close friends.” Louis answered, his gaze wandering over to see how his best mate was doing. Harold had just been staring down at the ground, nodding his head so he wouldn’t have to say anything. Right now he was scared of messing things up or saying the wrongs things in this interview. Basically, he didn’t want to ruin it for Harry.

“What do you think, Harry?” Louis tensed up, praying the younger lad would be able to answer something as simple as that. Harold blinked slowly, staring down at his wrists. Louis was now biting his lip so hard he could practically taste blood, and his heart felt as if it were about to pound out of his chest.

“Y-Yeah. I agree.” Louis noticed him scratching at his scars again, and he had a fear they would tear open. He nudged his best mate a little, trying to remind him that he shouldn’t be messing with his cuts. Harold didn’t care though, and he only continued to mess with them.

“So, what’s your opinion on that, Harry?" He had completely zoned out.

“Erm, I’m sorry… what did you say?” He asked, his heard pounding harder when his eyes scanned around the room. He felt as if everyone was looking at him, and that made him self-conscious. He knew it wouldn’t affect Harry because he loves the fame, but as Harold, that’s a whole different story.

“I wanted to know what your opinion on American girls was.”

“Oh, well, they’re kind of similar to British girls and practically another other fan, really.” He continued to talk, nearly stumbling over his words. “Basically all of our fans seem to get a little crazy when it comes to concerts.”

“You got that right.” Zayn smiled, nodding in agreement.

“Alright well, we will be right back! After the break we will hear more from One Direction!” The interviewer announced, letting us now that he had less than two minutes to take a water break. We all ran back in our dressing room, and Louis only pulled Harold back into the bathroom once again. Harold wasn’t sure why, but he went along with it anyone. Louis immediately began to wet a paper towel, motioning for his friend to hold out his wrist so he could apply heat to his cuts. Harold groaned in pain, the sudden feel of the paper towel burning a little bit. He tensed up, a look of pain on his face.

“You’re strong, babe. Shh, it’s okay.” Louis mumbled to him, slowly taking the paper towels off to see if the majority of the blood had disappeared. Harold looked down at him, his eyes locking on Louis’ in that moment. Harold recalled Louis kissing the corners of his mouth before the interview had started, and he remembered feeling a strange spark. There was a small part of him that was curious of what it felt like to kiss his friend square on the lips, and the urge to do so was strong as ever at this point. Louis looked at Harold with a sympathetic look on his face; wanting to make sure the younger lad wasn’t in pain anymore.

“Lou…” Harold mumbled.

“How are you holding up?”

“It just h-hurts, is all.” Harold bit his lip, and Louis removed the paper towel completely. Louis pressed his lips to Harold’s wrists, kissing his scars. Harold felt something hot run through his veins, and he wasn’t exactly sure of what he was feeling right now. When Louis pulled away, Harold kept a strong gaze on him as he looked him directly in the eyes.

“Erm, so should we get back to–”

“Shh,” Harold stopped him, placing a finger to Louis’ lips. “We still have some time. I just want to be with you r-right now. You m-make me feel really amazing, you know? I like being with you all the time." Harold then found himself starting to lean in closer to Louis as he removed his finger from his lips. Louis parted his lips naturally, closing his eyes as he began leaning into Harry as well. They had gotten close enough now that both of them could feel their breath’s mixing, but before they could kiss, they heard the sound of someone counting down from five to hint that the show was coming back from commercial break. If it weren’t for that commercial break, would they have kissed?

Neither Harry or Louis could stop thinking about it for the rest of their night.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Feedback appreciated, please vote, comment, and share!  
> We wish for nothing more than to be in your reading lists.  
> Odd chapters written by @Emmylou_lou  
> Even chapters written by @xKissMeHarry


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